


half awake in a fake empire.

by zolotolev



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Male-Female Friendship, Protective Finn, Rey Needs A Hug, in which rey and finn are just children and need a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zolotolev/pseuds/zolotolev
Summary: “For a converted buckethead and a scavenger from Jakku, I think we’re doing okay.”rey and finn have a quiet moment, and rey has never been one to keep secrets (mainly because she has never had a secret or anyone to keep a secret from).





	half awake in a fake empire.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at work on my phone in google docs because i have so many feelings about my children.

When Finn turned to her, all white teeth and wide eyes and awed tones, and asked her how training with  _ The Luke Skywalker _ had gone, Rey gave him a thoughtful look and then promptly burst into tears. The rapid change on his face to an expression of horror would have been comical, if he hadn’t also immediately enveloped her into his arms and began a waterfall of meaningless but calming mantras. 

Her face burned with shame at her total lack of composure. But the adrenaline had finally worn off — she swore her heart hadn’t stopped racing since the Falcon had touched down to Ahch-To — and she was  _ tired _ . Only when she finally began searching for something with which to wipe her running nose, did he remove his chin from the top of her head and relax his protective grip. 

She felt his hesitant gaze as she blew and wiped, catching her breath. Crying was safe now, she reminded herself. She no longer needed to guard the hydration levels of her body with rabid devotion. 

“That bad, huh?” He asked with a sympathetic frown, and she gave an indelicate snort that would have been snotty and disgusting if not for the fact that her face was buried into a rag. 

She gave a mighty trembling sigh and then shook her head, managing a watery smile. “How did we get here, Finn?” Her accented tone was small, vulnerable, so unlike the fierce snapping warrior who had pulled him onto the Falcon. But the stubborn set of her jaw was still there, the fiery look in her eyes muted but still ablaze. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, because he understood exactly what she meant. The image of Rose staring in his direction, wide-eyed and amazed, calling him a  _ hero _ , was still burned into his mind. “I don’t know, peanut,” he admitted heavily. Then he took in how truly pummeled she looked, her signature hairstyle lost, her body slumped, her nose red from being rubbed raw. His hand came forward to rest on hers and a real smile flitted across her lips, and he knew she was remembering their sprint across the desert marketplace.  _ Stop holding my hand! _

“But you know what,” he tapped his index finger against her knuckle and she tilted her head, turning to look at him, hair spilling over one shoulder. Her eyebrows were pulled together slightly into an uncertain expression. “For a converted buckethead and a scavenger from Jakku, I think we’re doing okay.” 

“Yeah,” she said with a shaky laugh and a roll of her eyes, but she fell into a thoughtful silence again while clasping his hand in both of hers. “I had so many ideas,” she started slowly, eyes unfocused but deeply centered, “about what meeting Luke would be like. I thought,  _ finally _ . Finally, someone who feels this connection that I feel. Someone who knows how to manage it, who knows what it’s  _ for _ .” Her tone was revenant and soft, and Finn felt the hairs on his arms stand at attention. He tried not to look overly concerned, lest she glance over to him and lose her nerve. “He didn’t have any answers for me.”

She was quiet for long enough that Finn crinkled his face in confusion and asked, “He wouldn’t train you?” Rey shook her head minutely. The realization of what this meant for a girl who had been abandoned on a desolate planet to care for herself throughout childhood, with no one to relate to or find comfort in, washed over him like a tidal wave. He grimaced and spat, “Coward.” 

“He was just a man,” she continued steadily, and then abruptly tossed her head slightly in agitation. “A man who made a mistake that ruined everything.” 

“He probably saw the best in that bastard Ren, though,” Finn pointed out gently, not noticing how his companion’s face had frozen still, her jaw clenched. “That was Leia’s son. Luke wouldn’t want to notice the darkness in him - until it was too late. The guy put too much blame on himself.” 

Rey’s eyes had fluttered closed during his musings, and her breath was slow and steady. She exhaled sharply through her nose and then burst vehemently, her accent piercing the consonants, “None of that is true.” 

Finn’s face settled into an look of wary confusion, and he prompted, “What’dyou mean?” 

Rey untangled her hand from his and brought both of her hands to her face, running her palms over her features and then up into her hairline where they stayed. Her eyes remained closed. “Luke was - he - he saved the Rebellion. He’s  _ Luke Skywalker _ . Who would believe that he saw how powerful his nephew was becoming and was afraid of it?” Finn watched her silently, his eyes like black stones shining in the dimness of the engine room, his mouth a straight line. “Luke wouldn’t teach me, and I was angry with him for it. But I never woke up with him above my bed with his lightsaber drawn.” 

Finn’s lips thinned and he paled. “He knew, Rey,” he finally insisted quietly. “He saw Kylo Ren being pulled to the Dark Side.” 

“Pulled in either direction, Finn,” she rebuked, her voice overlapping his. Her eyes opened and she flung herself off of the futon, arms wrapping securely around herself. “One side by Snoke. He wasn’t gone until Luke let go.” 

“You can’t know that,” he murmured, more troubled by her countenance than by what she was telling him. “Even if it’s true, Rey, what does that mean? Does it matter?” 

“Of course it matters,” Rey replied in a thin tone. A beat. “There’s good in him, Finn.” 

In Finn’s mind, a bolt of blue hung suspended in midair by an outstretched gloved hand, an elderly man beheaded without hesitation, a village destroyed, burned to the ground, a vivid red handprint on a white helmet. A shudder ran through him and he focused on her small frame highlighted by the flashing warm lights of the ship. He trusted her fiercely. He had run from the First Order because he could never kill for him. He thought that, if it came down to it, he could kill for Rey. 

“Not enough,” he responded flatly. She turned to him. “I walked away, Rey. What’s his excuse?” 

Her gaze fell to the floor and her expression was so soft, so filled with sorrow, that he understood there was infinitely more to the story than what she was telling him. “He’s scared,” she whispered. She said it simply, with a finality that shook him. “He’s not strong enough - and he needs help.” 

Finn lowered his head into his hands, elbows on his knees, and groaned. He felt the futon dip as she sat back down beside him silently. Eventually, he ran his hands down his face and peered sideways at her solemn gaze. “What are you planning on doing?” His tone was resigned. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, then continued with more certainty, “but I need to know that, whatever it is, you’re on my side.” 

He swallowed back the overwhelming feeling that had risen in his throat. “I need to know,” he countered steadily, “that it won’t hurt the Resistance.” She blinked at him and he shrugged defensively, then repeated apologetically, “I need to know that, Rey.” 

“Never,” she promised, and he could see she was slightly taken aback. They sat side by side for several moments, each lost in their own meandering trails of thoughts. Then she rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, “I’m so tired.”

He brought his chin to the top of her head and thought about the kids on Canto Bight, of the awe in their eyes, and felt how deeply his bones ached. “I know.” 


End file.
